help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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