If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
