my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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