she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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