I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
