Non-Jews are for practice
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
