He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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