I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
