I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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