This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
