a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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