Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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