We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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