This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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