Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
