im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
