Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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