Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
