i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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