why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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