Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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