At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT