the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!