..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.