honey bunches of taint.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.