is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost