I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.