Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
