The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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