All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
