dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
