He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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