On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
