I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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