we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
