hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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