I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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