theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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