her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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