We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
