She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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