Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
