Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
