I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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