that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
