Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
