i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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