I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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