jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
