Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
