Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
