If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
