$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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