i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
