BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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