i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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