Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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