im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
