she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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