Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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