if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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