but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
