Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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