either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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