Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
