Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize