If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
