The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
