Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
