Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
