We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
