so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
