i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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